Sunday, August 26, 2007

Speak Out! v. Homer Simpson

The Southeast Missourian, Cape Girardeau's newspaper, offers a call-in opinion line. The folks of southeast Missouri use the call-in line to complain about their neighbors, which cracks me up. In New Orleans, they'd complain to your face. Here, they use the newspaper.

"Movie chatter"

I WANT to thank the couple who effectively spoiled an enjoyable movie
experience for me. The couple behind my wife and me felt comfortable
making various comments and asking questions to each other as if they
where sitting at home in the their living room. After several attempts
to turn around to them and give "the look" were unsuccessful, they had
a long period of acting as if they were actually in a public place. But
then, at the apex of the movie the older gentlemen says to his wife in
a not so low tone, "Now who is that?" That was the last straw. I turned
to her as she started to answer him and had to actually had to snap my
fingers to get her attention. "Shh!" I said sternly. Her husband then
chuckled, showing how much he cared. I would expect this behavior from
a younger group of people, but not an older couple. Most people have the
common courtesy to lean in and whisper to the person for a little bit
of movie chatting, but I guess common courtesy isn't that common anymore.

THE SIMPSONS (Colonel Homer)

Homer: We'll take two tickets to "The Stockholm Affair".
Marge: Ooh. The paper called it a "taut political thriller".
Homer: Political? [ Groaning ]
Movie:
Advisor: Mr. President, disturbing news! Serious cracks are
developing in the Greco-Bolivian alliance.
President: Get me Jed Colic!
Homer: [ Slurping ][ Gagging ] Oh, this movie's too complicated....
Homer: Hey, the floor's sticky.... [ Grunting ]
Homer: Who's that guy?
Homer: What did that guy say when I said, ''Who's that guy?''
Marge: [ Growling ]
Homer: Oh, that submarine is so fake. Look, you can see the strings.
Ooh! An octopus!
Man in next row: Shh!
Homer: What?
Homer: I think that guy's a spy.
Marge: [ Whispering ] Of course he's a spy! You just saw him go
through spy school!
Homer: Oh, wait. I heard how this ends. Turns out the secret code was
the same nursery rhyme he told his daughter.
[ Audience Moaning]
Homer: It's pretty obvious if you think about it.
Marge: Shut up, Homer! No one wants to hear what you think!

1 comment:

NDW said...

Hilarious montage, Allison. Thanks for brightening my afternoon.