Saturday, May 27, 2017

Turtles Crossing, Slow Down

I remember exactly where I was on Rt. BB outside of Montreal when I pulled over to the shoulder to move my first box turtle from the road. I was on my way to open the gates as part of my job description. I needed to be on Hwy D by 6:45am to open gates, and there I was at 6:30 pulling over on the road to move not one but two box turtles who were booking their way across the road. At the crest of the hill, I pulled my Honda Civic over to the tiny shoulder so I could get out and hike the road to move the turtles. I really didn't know how to operate my new-to-me 1995 stick shift Honda Civic. I certainly didn't know what to do when I encountered a hill in Arkansas and asked a stranger to drive my car to the top of the hill so I could continue on my journey. I bought that car without knowing how to drive it from a mechanic in Westwego, Louisiana who said that he didn't rag out that clutch too bad, dawg. Great car. It has 325K miles on it at this time.

So I pulled over to the small shoulder and at the time I didn't know that when a stick shift car is on a hill, one needs to put it in a certain gear with the emergency brake. No, I had barely learned how to drive the damned thing before I migrated to Missouri. I thought I was going to need a heat lamp for the engine, with no clue about the severity of the winters here. My supervisor laughed when I asked about that. So, when I saw the turtles I pulled over to the shoulder and just turned off the car so I could walk back down the road to move them. I moved the turtles to a safe place, and when I turned around, my car was moving down the slope and ended up in a ditch. Shit. No cell phone service, I didn't know a soul in Missouri besides my employer, I was already late opening the gates. Eventually a truck came by and saw me in my stupid uniform standing next to my 1995 Honda Civic that was pretty well entrenched into the ditch. As most kind Ozarkers will do, the guy in the truck asked if I needed help. After a big description about how I was moving turtles and my car migrated downslope he sort of laughed, and hitched a rope to some mechanism on my car that allowed it to be towed back out to BB. He had to be on his way and I asked if I could pay him or send him a check or something, but he laughed and said "just keep on saving those turtles." He laughed heartily, so I think he was pulling my proverbial string. Thank heavens for men with trucks and rope in the Ozarks. Since that time in 2003 I have been saved twice more by men in trucks. They never take my money, but I have been able to pay at least one in wild blackberries.

So, after a good rain in the spring the box turtles start crossing the roads. I don't think they're migrating, I think they're looking for the warmth of the road but they always seem so persistent in their direction. It's definitely the worst part of spring, driving Ozark roads and seeing box turtles trying to cross--the good people slow down and avoid them, or pull over to move them. The black-hearted people go out of their way and onto the shoulder to run over them. When you see a dead turtle on a shoulder, that's not just a regular highway death, that's someone who went off the road to kill a turtle. There's a special place in hell for people who do that. Anyway, it's heartbreaking to see so many turtles on the road.

Because they don't move very quickly, turtles are easy to avoid hitting if the driver is paying attention. We avoided 6 turtles today on a short drive from Columbia to Camdenton. I've talked to the head herpetologist in the state and, to date, there is no one measuring the impacts of road mortality on population dynamics in Missouri. I've seen hideous reports from Florida of road mortality on herpetofauna that resulted in the county making more friendly roadways and such. Our box turtles are so ubiquitous that initiating any kind of legislation to protect them is pie in the sky. I love encountering Eastern box turtles and while I recognize that road mortality must be playing a huge role in their sustainability, I like to think that when they exist in natural areas they are well protected and can perform their entire life cycle in the Ozarks.

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